Everything Between Paint and a Wall

by Grandview

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released December 17, 2013

produced and engineered by Chris LaRocque and Steve Aliperta at Kennedy Studios, Billerica, MA
recorded, mixed, and mastered at Kennedy Studios
album art painted by Pablo Aguilar, photographed by Chris Coe
strings on tracks 2 and 10 beautifully performed by Theresa Cleary and Michael Coelho
vocals on 'The Only Constant' and 'Shaper' by Ally Mahoney
vocals on '7' by Adam DaSilva



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Grandview Burlington, Massachusetts

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Track Name: Paint
This is a smoke signal burning overhead. I want your attention again. I want us to play pretend. I'm the kind of man who keeps his keys in his car, but I left them in my pocket when I was with you.
Track Name: Seeking Out Gold (The Former)
I want to find comfort in the air. I want to feel; I want to love; I want to care about anything as much as everyone cares about everything.

But the hardest habits to break are the ones that we know are keeping us in place.

I wish I could break myself down and start again. I'll reconstruct the cavity inside my chest. Replace whatever is left with something that still beats. I want to do more than just breathe to stay alive.

I want to fall in line. I want to fall in love. I want a reason to think reason is enough. I am not blind and you are not a liar, so tell me where is this faith I can't seem to find in anything?

I want to believe in anything.
Track Name: The Only Constant
We're stagnant. We're just creatures of habit. I dig my nails into what I know and cover my whole life in scratches. And you swore that you'd stay grounded, but you're getting taken by the wind. You said, "you know when I'm alone, I can feel the cracks in my skin." So keep your grip around my fingers.

I was built to break. I was made to feel afraid for the sake of feeling something. I'll bleed my heart out and paint the walls. I'll be a portrait of what's been lost for the sake of being something.

And now I'll stumble through each scene. Watch everything around me learn to change while the constant stays the same. I stay the same. My legs are giving out, and these walls are caving in. I could spend a lifetime by your side, but I just can't piece them back again.

I'm falling apart at the seams. I'm a toy that got tucked away, now forget about me. I'm falling apart at the seams, just an torn up rag-doll, there's nothing left inside of me.

I was built to break. I was made to feel afraid for the sake of feeling something, but I don't feel anything anymore.
Track Name: In Good Company
I said I'm sorry. I've had better days, and it's nothing worth trying to explain. I'll keep my mouth shut, I'll keep my eyes fixed on the ground, and let silence fill the distance between us.

I've been walking across this tightrope, and now I'm hanging by a thread, giving my word I won't let go. But I know these words don't mean a thing when my actions scream so loud that I can't think straight. These words don't mean a thing when I don't believe a single one I say.

I will let you down.

What's it like talking to a wall? Are you in good company watching it chip away silently? And does it hurt you like it hurts me to watch the colors run down the sides, exposing everything that the paint tried so hard to hide?

Does it hurt you like it hurts me to watch the colors run down and bleed?
Track Name: To the Sun
It was the timing and the bags under my eyes. It was the look on your face when you said I look tired. I'd rather watch you turn away, because you don't look at me the same anymore, and I don't blame you for a second. What happened to us? What happened to me?

I used to run to feel the air rushing through my lungs, without a purpose or need or a care and a back to the sun. Now it's just a getaway in a maze that I can't escape.

Oh, how I would give anything for a chance to catch my breath. I would give anything for you to speak in words I understand.

And now my feet are sinking into my regrets like concrete.

If we're made in his reflection, I'm curious.

Oh, I would give anything to recreate how our dysfunction used to function so beautifully.

So if we're made in his reflection, I'm curious, is this all there is? Just failing expectations, crumbling foundations, nothing more, nothing less. And the burn in the back of your throat, it never goes away. You just come to grips, and make room for it until you don't live, you just cope. And as much as we say, "don't look back," we always do because we're human. God knows I'm human. I'm a liar and I am a fake. I am I, and I wish I wasn't.

I keep trying to fight and trying to run, but I hate myself for changing every step of the way. I can't help thinking that if we're made in his reflection, I'm curious, did God drink himself to sleep the night he created me?
Track Name: 7
Seven years, day by day, I watched you fall, and I felt you break. You sank into everything you always said you hate.

I've heard you set your sights on a bathroom floor. I wish you could see it's such a fleeting pride you're dying for. I bet it's hard to watch a grown man bury himself in his palms because of you.

Seven years, day by day, I watched you fall, and I felt you break. You sank into everything you always said you hate. You should be ashamed of the monster that you've made. You're a waste of time and you're just wasting away.

I know you and I know you're tired. I can see it in your eyes. You cover it up with cheap smiles.
Track Name: Saw the Sky
I'll just close my eyes. Don't need to watch the sunrise over an absent sky. I'll just yell until I'm heard or my lungs give out. I would tear myself blind to see any kind of sign, if only I could find a feeling of home in an empty house.

Love me, hate me, kill me, anything. Just let me know you're there.

It's not where you are, it's where you aren't. I'm drowning in sea that you just can't part. And silence is misunderstood, it answers questions that words never could.

I'm drowning.
Track Name: Shaper
I am the ghost of a heart and a head in the clouds. I am the ghost of a smile through the holes in my mouth. I am the ghost of a timeline that worked itself out. Now I know nothing but the monsters we make of ourselves.

But you paint a picture of life that I'm blind to. There are too many grays I cannot leave behind. I'm not a promising future, I'm only a past. I'm still looking back.

They are the faces fit to a mold and remade. They are the big shots and small talks and half-hearted hardly-earned pay. She is the voice that screams, "you'll lose love if you can't escape." I'm losing it already, so there's no difference anyways.

We are hell-bent and obsessed with ends and beginnings, and we have our hearts set on forgetting everything in between them. But I am only a ghost, and looking back is all that I know. I am not a promising future, but I promise you I'm not a past. So I'll dig up some dirt, and I'll pray for what it's worth that I'm half the man you say I am. I believe in these words, and these words are enough for now. I believe in something. I will not let you down.
Track Name: Sitting On Gold (The Latter)
I've been clenching my fists and grinding my teeth. I've been building up walls with a false sense of apathy, as if you deserved it, as if you weren't worth the time of day. But I am not a liar, and you are not blind. I know these words aren't much, but there is life behind each one for the first time
In a long time. You got to start somewhere.

You've been keeping your word and shaking your head, but you learn to forgive, and I know you never let me forget there lessons to be taught from the bodies we skin ourselves from. And I know you're afraid, but I am not dead, so I won't bury myself, at least not yet. I'll do more than just breathe to stay alive. I'll be more than a kid who learned how to lie.

I still have all your old songs stuck in my head, and I swear to God, I'll get around to listening to you and to them again.

Well I've been staring right at the sun, and if I'm blinded then at least you'll know I tried looking up, and I saw light. We'll be alright.

I've spent the last year building a maze. I've spent the last year running away with no idea why I started in the first place. But you stopped me right in my tracks, and before I could speak, you started to laugh and you said, "well you know you remind me of myself all too much."

I still have all your old songs stuck in my head, and I swear to God, I'll get around to listening to you and to them again. I'm learning what it's like to see the colors for what they are, not what I want from them.
Track Name: Wall
These are the eyes that grew too tired to hold open through what they've come to know as a constant burning glow. So when you said, "it never fades," I guess that you were right, but they're adjusting to the light now and oh, so am I.

I've never felt so afraid to breathe in, because I know the air won't be the same. But I'm doing it anyways, because I won't pretend to spend a lifetime holding my breath.